How to Involve Kids in a Funeral or Memorial
Children grieve too — just differently.
Whether you’re planning a funeral in Ballina, a memorial in Byron Bay, or a quiet farewell at home in Lismore, involving children can be a deeply meaningful part of saying goodbye. When done thoughtfully, it can help kids feel included, safe, and supported as they begin to understand death and loss.
Here are a few gentle ways to invite children of all ages into the ceremony, in ways that honour both their role and the person they’re saying goodbye to.
Let them choose how they participate
Every child is different. Some will want to be involved. Others may want to watch quietly from the sidelines. Both are okay.
Offer options — and let them decide:
Light a candle
Place a flower or drawing on the coffin
Read a short poem or memory
Help pick the music or photos
Even small gestures can help them feel connected and acknowledged.
Explain what to expect, simply and honestly
Before the day, talk through what will happen. Let them know who will be there, where it will be, and what people might be feeling.
Use clear, age-appropriate language. Avoid euphemisms like “gone to sleep,” which can be confusing or frightening.
Children don’t need every detail, but they do need to feel safe and prepared.
Create a quiet space
If you’re planning a larger ceremony, it can be helpful to set up a nearby “quiet space” with drawing materials, books, or soft toys. This gives kids somewhere to retreat if the emotions become overwhelming.
For ceremonies across the Northern Rivers, outdoor spaces can also offer natural comfort — a shady tree, a garden seat, or a patch of beach to dig toes into.
Honour their memories too
Invite children to share their memories, if they want to. These are often the most touching parts of a ceremony — a simple sentence, a funny story, a drawing of their favourite moment.
One child I worked with drew a rainbow of his grandpa “fishing in the sky.” It was perfect.
Final thoughts
Including children in a funeral isn’t about putting pressure on them. It’s about helping them feel part of something that matters — giving them tools to make sense of loss, and a space to say goodbye in their own way.
If you're planning a farewell in the Northern Rivers and wondering how to involve the younger members of your family, I’m here to guide you gently through it.
Whether you're planning something simple or heartfelt, at home or by the sea, I’ll help you create a ceremony that honours every member of the family — big and small.
Need to speak with a Funeral Director immediately? Please call 0410 478 713 or 1300 242 490
